Sick of it

This weekend was very sad. I enjoyed my time off, but my wife is sick. She got sick wednesday night. She has a virus which was diagnosed by the doctor. I am so scared because of the pestilence and diseases out there now. We have been sick together off and on since the summer. This world is so full of uncertrianties. One minute everything is ok, you are enjoying yourself and then all of a sudden, almost immedieatly, you are blindsided by dispair, problems, difficulties, and obsticles. I try to be positive and that is what has gotten me this far. But the world still hurts, no matter what you achieve or gain in it to make you feel better. That feeling subsides and emptiness sets back in and you are on the chase again. A chase for happiness, a chase for comfort, a chase for security, a chase for purpose. My uncle was diagnosed with late stages of cancer two months ago. The other week I was called out of my sleep at 2am to rush to the hospital to see his dead body. I view this live as a series of temporary pleaseres and long lasting grievences. As a child I only thoutht about the day presant. Lives were so simple and energetic. So full of promise and wonder. Children are clueless about the reality of the world. It is like taking the job of your dreams and then realizing you have to fight every day to keep it. It does not seem right. It is not right. I understand this world ( the system in which we live and function) itself is temporatry. Better things are ahead and that is were I have my hope, trust and faith.